TW: Weight loss/fatphobia
I know that this post is not the usual type of post I would make on Leaf & Lace, but I’ve unintentionally lost a significant amount of weight in less than a year and I feel the need to discuss this situation I keep finding myself in. Over the past month or so I’ve bumped into heaps of people I haven’t seen in months and their reactions have been the same - they’ve immediately pointed out how much weight I’ve lost.
This post isn’t about my weight loss journey though. 2019 was a rough year for me. I was sick and I felt it physically and mentally. I spoke to my doctors and we agreed to make a few adjustments to a couple of different things in my life and with those changes, my body reshaped. My weight was never an issue or discussed during those appointments with my doctor. Despite feeling the financial & mental effects of Covid, I’ve thankfully remained healthy this year. I am very proud of myself and grateful that my health issues have improved.
Since losing weight, I’ve had so many people say “omg you’re skinny now!” before they have said hello or asked how I am. I didn't have an issue with my body beforehand but every time someone compliments me with comments like this, I feel like they did. It makes me feel awkward, and possibly uncomfortable. I know they are trying to give a compliment, and definitely have no malicious intent, but what I hear is "You used to be fat and now you're not and I'm happy for you". I’ve honestly struggled to find a way to respond to people's comments about my body. How does one accept such a backhanded compliment? Why am I praised for weight loss even though its a result of sickness? I’ve had multiple people accuse me of having an eating disorder without even approaching the topic with sensitivity or consideration for my mental health? What if bad mental health was actually the reason I lost weight? How would an opinion like that help my situation? And what is most concerning to me is nobody pointed out my weight gain or checked in with my mental health/well-being when I gained weight however since losing weight people feel entitled to discuss it in detail. (FYI - This is nobody’s business).
Obviously, my situation and feelings about this will not resonate with everyone and I acknowledge there are people out there who would LOVE to have someone point out their weight loss or gain. But every time someone points out my weight change I don’t know what to do. If I be polite and say thank you, I feel like I am supporting the cultural bias towards the social belief that skinny is good and fat is bad. Body shaming is never acceptable and it’s definitely something I don’t want to participate in.
So moving forward, let's try a few things together.
1. Let’s all agree to stop giving weird backhanded compliments and work on giving non-weight centric compliments.
2. If you do notice someone has had significant weight change (both loss and gain!) and you are concerned, let’s start checking in with their well-being and just avoid the topic of weight altogether.
3. Remind ourselves daily that ✨ALL BODIES ARE GOOD BODIES✨
4. Think kind thoughts towards ourselves and speak kinder words to others!
Finally, for those who have noticed my weight change and checked in with me without or before mentioning my weight loss, especially those who know my health journey from 2019, I appreciate you. For those who have noticed my weight change and mentioned it as a compliment, I appreciate you too - but its time to do better.